I was scrolling through Facebook the other day and happened to see a link to Oprah’s Golden Globe Speech so I clicked on it and watched. I truly think she is amazing and although everything she said had value, this is the line that stuck out for me:
..”What I know for sure is that speaking your truth is the most powerful tool we all have” Oprah Winfrey
I 100% believe that the above statement is true and I also know it can be the absolutely hardest thing to do.
How can you speak your truth when:
- You feel shame or embarrassment?
- You feel guilt or regret?
- You’ve lost your confidence, your faith, and your way?
What if life’s circumstances have piled up and left you weary and exhausted?
What if you at your best, in this moment, is simply trying to cope and survive.
What if the rules you’ve created for your life are no longer working and you but you can’t seem to figure out another way to be?
I’ve already mentioned that it’s my birthday week and as my mom said in her birthday card, I’ve experienced much in this “young” life of mine so far. I have felt all of the above things and they’ve kept me from speaking my truth…until now.
Here is Part 2 of my “43 things I now know about being in my 40’s compared to my 30’s”. Part 1 (#1-23) is right here…
- When you are 90, the shit that you stress so much about won’t matter (that deadline, who was “right” in the argument, the highlights you got in your hair and hate) – and the things that you aren’t stressing enough about will…like how much love are you giving? And how much love are you capable of receiving? You have to receive to fully give…start now by stop saying crappy things about yourself. They are not true.
- You can not control other people. Repeat after me “I can’t control other people, but I can control me” ←- This is a critical lesson. Don’t take things that people say or do personally, it’s not about you (I know, it *seems* like it’s about you, but it’s not, it’s WAY more about them and what they are dealing with).
- There will be people who don’t like you. It might be your mother-in-law, or your best friend’s husband, or the barista who never remembers your name. And you’ll think it matters…but it doesn’t. Don’t spend your energy trying to prove your worth or value to other people who will simply never see it. Instead, spend that energy on the people who do appreciate and love you.
- Be kind. Be gentle. Harshness, criticism, judgement and contempt fill your heart with negativity and hurt your soul – this way of being also hurts others around you. Be determined to move away from this state and move towards compassion and empathy (both with yourself and others).
- Get mindful and eat less. Eat the best quality food you can afford. Don’t ever supersize anything – you don’t need it.
- Don’t let not being good at something hold you back from doing it. The only way to get good at something is to do it… Women wait to do things. We wait until it’s the right time, or we have more money, or more stability, or the confidence to do something. Don’t wait. Take action now.
- If you are bored in ANY aspect of your life do something to change it up *now*. Boredom can be the greatest gift and it can be the kiss of death if you do nothing about it. Staying too long in a bored state kills marriages, creates resentment, increases self-doubt and leads to a life that is half-lived. We only have one shot at this...make it amazing.
- If you truly love who you are with then **LOVE** them, and I don’t mean in a half-assed way. I mean in the oh-my-God-I-can’t-believe-I-get-to-spend-my-life-with-you kind of way. Give them love, show them love, speak loving things, do loving gestures, assume the best and ACT like you love them. Too often the one you’re with gets the worst of you.
- If you don’t truly love the one you’re with but you know you once did – get help. Fix it. Do whatever it takes to find that love again. And if you never had it, then…find your courage and leave. Life. Is. Too. Short.
- It sounds so cliche but start doing things that scare you, things that push you out of your comfort. The whole point of living is to grow and evolve…you can’t evolve if there isn’t enough stimulus to create change…
- Get over the idea that you can have “balance’. Instead, get used to the different rhythms and paces of life and all that you have going on and find your stride. Allow for the push and build in the recovery.
- Have boundaries. Firm boundaries. Learn how to create them and then practice honoring them. This can be (((((((hard)))))))) especially if you’re a people pleaser. You may feel like you’re being a bitch…but you’re not, you’re taking care of yourself. I learned this late in my life.
- Be honest. Be honest with yourself about your needs and wants, and, be honest with others. No one can read your mind. You might wish they could but it’s up to you to communicate about you.
- Life is not easy. You shouldn’t expect it to be easy (yet, for some reason we do). Going after the things that you want in your life won’t be easy either. In fact, going after the most nearest and dearest things to your heart that you want will be HARD but completely worthwhile.
- Motherhood. It can break you. My children are only 10 and 8 yrs old. – some of my darkest moments have occurred when I felt resourceless – tapped out, nothing left to give and yet they wanted more. Every mother will feel this way at some point, actually, at many points along this incredible journey. Expect it. And do not for one second believe that there is something wrong with you.
- Confidence. It is everything. If you have lost your confidence then do whatever it takes to build it up again. If, like me at one point, your weight has crept up and it has taken a toll, get help and deal with it.
- This has been my mantra for the past 5 years: “Strong body, strong mind; strong mind, strong body”…it’s like how steel sharpens steel. If both of these things are weak you will feel like you’re spinning your wheels and getting absolutely nowhere in life. Pick ONE thing to work on and then stay dedicated to strengthening it. For me, when circumstances have worn me down and my mind feels week, I focus on my body and strengthening it. When I run longer or harder than I think I can, or do 3 more reps than I thought possible, it reminds me that I am stronger than I know. You are too.
- You are not somebody else’s opinion. Really get that. Also, “everyone” and “everybody” don’t really exist…as in, “Everyone will think I’m dumb” or “Everybody will laugh at me”…these are creations your mind makes up to keep you stuck in your comfort zone.
- Play more. You are the creator of your life. The more work you think you have to do, the more you will do. But what if you spend some time thinking about playing more? Being outside, playing with your kids, socializing more. Playing allows you to create memories and that’s what you’ll remember when you’re 90.
- And don’t cook bacon naked 🙂 That’s actually advice from my husband!
So, there you have it! My 43 years of wisdom. Wherever you’re at in your life please take a moment and think about one or two things that may have really resonated for you…and then go do something about it. Let me know if you have anything to add in the comments below.
I have a new online class talking about the biggest problems women encounter when trying to lose weight – you can register for it here.