I’m back with the remaining 24 lessons from the past year. I gotta admit that some of them I’m a slow learner on and some have taken a few years of “practice” to really learn the lesson
- Forgive people. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you forget. Nor does it mean that what happened was okay. It means you release yourself from carrying the emotional pain with you. It prevents bitterness and resentment from growing inside you which are like toxins to your soul
- Forgive yourself for mistakes that you made in the past. We’ve all got them. Beating yourself up about them over and over does nothing positive for you. Release yourself from them. You know that if at the time you could have done better you would have. Chances are if the same situation occurred today you’d handle it differently.
- Find things to do that make you happy. Spend time with people who make you laugh. My personal opinion is that we’ve all gotten really, really serious over the past few years. It’s time to intentionally bring more joy into your life.
- Learn how to be a really, really good listener. Then practice listening more than you speak. Listen for what’s being said and for what isn’t being said. When you want to interrupt someone and jump in with your own two cents try saying this instead: “Want to share more about that?”
- Remember that the little “chores” in your life are gifts and something that you probably once dreamed of doing. I remember this when it comes to dishes or laundry or driving kids around. I dreamed of having a family when I was younger, now I do. The chores are actually blessings.
- If you have a dog and take it for a walk remember that is probably your dog’s favorite part of the day. Make it one of yours too. Play with him, throw a ball or a stick, bring treats. It will bring both of you more joy.
- Pay attention to your energy. Notice what/who infuses your energy state and what/who drains it. Do/spend more time with the former and less with the latter.
- Do things that make you feel a little nervous (or that you’re actually scared to do). If you don’t you’ll acclimate to living in this “comfort zone” where everything feels fine but nothing is really amazing. You have to learn how to push the boundaries of your fear limits so you can actually feel the thrill of being alive and enjoy your one precious gift of life.
- Don’t wait for anyone else to make you feel special – do it yourself. If one of your love languages is gifts then buy things for yourself, with good energy, that make you feel special. Buy fresh flowers, purchase your favorite candle, treat yourself to a piece of jewelry that you love. So often we want others to do these things for us and feel disappointed if they don’t. Love and treat yourself in the way you want someone else to.
- Another one on love languages – if one of yours is words of affirmation then stop talking shit about yourself and start saying wonderful, loving things to yourself. Tell yourself how amazing you are and how beautiful you look today. Acknowledge yourself. One of my tricks is to write love notes on my bathroom mirror.
- Be willing to fail. Seriously. Get comfortable with not being an expert or “good” at things. I am so willing to fail. I get it wrong a lot. And with each “failure” I say “Oh! I’m so glad I learned that” because that’s exactly what failure is…learning what doesn’t work so you can go back and try again.
- Make friends with women both older than you and younger than you. There is such a gift in multi-generational friendships.
- Get outside more, spend time in nature. My daughter chimed in with this one and said “Dress for the weather!” which reminded me of an old Patagonia commercial which said there’s no such thing as bad weather, just inappropriate clothing. As someone who spends at least half the year in a cold winter climate I’ve had to embrace dressing for the weather or else I’d never be outside. And, being in nature is healing. Fact.
- Cultivate your emotional resilience, your emotional maturity. Often you have problems in your life so you can learn how to do this. You either learn or you repeat the lesson. If you ask yourself “Why does this keep happening to me?”, pay attention to the fact that you are the common denominator. This was a game-changer for me.
- We all have areas in our life that we need to clean up. Do it. Miscommunications, messy relationships, poor boundaries. You know what you need to do.
- You are the creator of your life. Whatever happened in the past can’t be undone but your future is unwritten. Go after it. Become responsible for creating what you want. ACIM says that the price you pay for your unwillingness to take 100% responsibility of your life is you won’t be able to change it. You have immense power. Remember that. Use it.
- Stop wishing for life to be easier. Make yourself stronger. Your growth is up to you. Just like you can choose to work the muscles in your body to strengthen them through weight lifting, you can also choose to do nothing in which case they’ll get weaker, the same is true for your human spirit. Your problems exist to strengthen you – it’s time to rise to the occasion. Flex baby, flex.
- Start getting curious about yourself and about others. When you start to become more curious than critical everything in your life will change. You’ll seek to understand, instead of judge, blame or shame. This can lead to greater empathy, compassion, understanding and ultimately, love.
- Become solution focused instead of problem oriented. When you’re problem oriented you’ll talk and complain about the problem a lot. You get fixated on it. It can start to feel impossible to solve because all you’re doing is focusing on the problem. When you start to focus on solutions you’ll feel more hopeful and powerful because you’re now spending your energy on how to find an answer. Begin with asking yourself, “What’s one thing I could do here that would make this a little bit better…?” and challenge yourself to come up with 10 answers.
- Believe in yourself. Believe in love. Believe in miracles.
- Make time in your life FOR YOU. Not for all the things that need to get done, but for you. If you don’t take charge of your time everything else will suck it away and you’ll never find you have any time for you. Be protective of your own time and allow yourself to have some time to yourself. It’s necessary. It’s healthy. It’s one of the ways you get to grow.
- Embrace your quirks. They’re what make you unique.
- Tell people you love them. Check in. Use your words, don’t assume that they know.
- When your next journey around the sun arrives, in other words your birthday, celebrate it! Celebrate you. Be grateful that you get to go on another journey! The world is better because you’re in it.
Thank you for sharing reading these lessons. Hopefully one or two of them were helpful to you. Here’s what I know. Life isn’t always easy. It’s not supposed to be. BUT we are supposed to learn how to live, love, and thrive regardless of what comes our way. Here’s to a fabulous 2023 for all of us!
